Print Post - Things You Should Never Do During A Separation

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Good Moring All

Separation – What should I do?

It takes 2 to make a relationship and 2 to break a relationship.

Where children are involved, it is not just the parties to a relationship but the children, who are most affected.

In Australia, the only basis of a divorce is separation for 12 months with no likelihood of reconciliation. Having undertaken many family matters, and constantly following the latest relationship research, I would like to provide a summary here. Separation is never lightly undertaken but I have often found that the recognition that it takes 2 to make, and 2 to break, a relationship has been neglected. On the whole, most people who enter into a relationship and have children, come from a foundation of love and respect. According to worldwide statistics and here in Australia, 50% of couples will have a relationship breakdown. Very often it occurs after the birth of children and the stressors that result with the partners neglecting to in maintain and grow their relationship. As with all endeavours the research has repeated found that if a relationship is not growing, be it business, a garden or personal, for continuing growth and for it to flourish, each person must apply continuing respect; care and application.

With work and raising children, care and support for each other’s needs is often neglected due to time constraints, resulting in partners drifting apart. I truly recommend relationship and family counselling as being appropriate. Children need both of their parents in a good relationship together to support and promote their growth to adulthood. Relationship research has established that if parents do not support each other’s growth and the growth of their relationship, not only does their relationship falter but also the parent child relationships.

Very often in my practice I have encouraged many of my clients in such circumstances where partners have not breached each other’s values, for them to take the broader picture and reconsider their decision. I suggest that they write down the following:

the characteristics which brought them together;
the best and worst characteristics of themselves; and
the worst and best characteristics of their partner.

After these lists have been completed to then consider the consequences of permanent separation and the impact on their children, their other relationships, and very importantly on their finances with the resulting distribution of assets that will occur. Only by hand writing these lists can appropriate decisions be made. Occasionally, a planned and respectful short separation with the assistance of professionals, may assist parties and provide the necessary time and space to reflect clearly.

It is very important to safeguard each other’s privacy and not involve children, especially if they are young and cannot understand. Use of social media affects everyone, especially the children. It does not assist in any way but only acts to drive people even further apart. As each relationship has its own characteristics it is mandatory that you obtain the appropriate legal and relationship advice that relevant to your individual situation. Many problems have been increased due to inappropriate and very often wrong advice provided by concerned friends, on the basis of their own personal experience with the best of well-meaning.

If you or someone you know needs assistance with your family matter or the drafting of a financial agreement either before, during or after separation, please do not hesitate in contacting me for a confidential meeting.

Wishing everyone a wonderful festive season.
Kind Regards,

Jeffrey
0419 233 670
[email protected]
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